And back to school...
So, the grand experiment that was this round of trying to lower my medication dosage is over for this time around. I went to the doctor today, told him how I've been feeling and he called it off. I'm disappointed. I really want to be off this drug some day. It has really nasty side effects, which don't seem to get better over time. I also have to get my liver checked monthly to see what's going on with it. No drinking for me, since I'm already destroying my organs. I'll go back up on my dosage, wait until I'm feeling good again for at least 6 months and then try again. As much as I hate this drug, I do feel like this is the one that saved my life, since this is the one that I went on when I was in the hospital. Despite feeling disappointed, I am looking forward to feeling better. I've been having some big time anxiety lately, so the doctor prescribed some Ativan*. It will take a few weeks for the other drug to build back up in my blood stream again, but the doctor thinks that if I can take some Ativan and break the cycle of anxiety that I'll start feeling better soon.
When I told him about feeling anxious he asked me if I was in therapy right now and in my head I was pleading "please, please don't make me go back to that woman!" My former therapist actually called me, out of the blue, a few weeks ago. It really made me mad. She dredged up all these old feelings and I was really angry at her for a few days for making me think about that stuff again. She said that she liked to call her former clients and just check on them and she sounded all concerned. To me it just felt like she was trying to drum up more business for herself.
In other news, Wednesday was the first day of school for Sweet Pea. So far, so good, and second grade is lots of fun. In second grade you get to PICK where you sit at the lunch table, so that's pretty exciting stuff. I'm embarrassed to admit this (and trying not to beat myself up about this), but I sent her off to school on the first day** with a breakfast of Toaster Strudel and Resee's cereal. Although my eating habits have become horrible, I try to keep things healthy for Sweet Pea. She has been begging for Toaster Strudel for months, so I finally bought a box (although I will not be purchasing it again) and then we were at the store and the cereal was on sale and I am a push-over.
I feel better having admitted my Mommy breakfast failure to you all.
*It is probably bad how much I am looking forward to the Ativan. It's an anti-anxiety medicine and it makes everything go away.
**and today
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
It Tastes Like Licorice
This reminds me of the first time that I met the husband's family... We went for Thanksgiving and we were having snacks before dinner. There was a vegetable platter and I picked up some celery and dipped it in some dip, then I took a bite. It wasn't celery--it was fennel*. Frankly, I'm still mad at the husband for not warning me.
*which does not taste good with dip.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Candyland Update*
Remember a while ago when I posted about the coconut jelly bellies that were in a plastic cup in my desk because I couldn't throw them away because my garbage would be judged?
I have an update...
I have found that when you're really hungry and didn't bring anything for lunch and don't have time to go out that you will eat almost anything and be really grateful for old jelly beans.
*This post is brought to you by the run-on sentence.
I have an update...
I have found that when you're really hungry and didn't bring anything for lunch and don't have time to go out that you will eat almost anything and be really grateful for old jelly beans.
*This post is brought to you by the run-on sentence.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Something to think about
While waiting for about 200 pages to print today in my triangle, I was looking at this http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/44077710/displaymode/1247?beginSlide=1. (I don't know why I'm not getting a link, but I think it's worth the time to copy and paste.) The children from Ivory Coast and Nepal were the most moving to me, especially the girl who is Sweet Pea's age and has been working a granite quarry since she was three. Can you imagine a place where you send three year olds into quarries? The boy from the Ivory Coast is listed as "anonymous"--is that because he doesn't know his own name or that no one has bothered to give him one? I also wonder about the boy from New York with the flowered carpet in his room--he looks like a young Chuck Bass (if you watch the show "Gossip Girl,") and I'm really wondering if that carpet was his idea, or if it's something really fancy that came with the whole apartment. It's like the Barbie Arms--good art keeps you thinking.
This post was almost called "I am the very model of a modern Major General," because I was wicked* efficient at work today. Midway through the morning I thought about posting that first line from "Pirates of Penzance" as my Facebook status and then adding subsequent lines each half hour or so, but I decided against it. You, my friends, are loved and I didn't want to get that song stuck in your head.
Hopefully I haven't now.
*we should use the word "wicked" more in our daily speech
This post was almost called "I am the very model of a modern Major General," because I was wicked* efficient at work today. Midway through the morning I thought about posting that first line from "Pirates of Penzance" as my Facebook status and then adding subsequent lines each half hour or so, but I decided against it. You, my friends, are loved and I didn't want to get that song stuck in your head.
Hopefully I haven't now.
*we should use the word "wicked" more in our daily speech
Thursday, August 11, 2011
This made me laugh bunches
This is also probably a sign that I am weird (but you already knew that).
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same
Or maybe they're completely different.
Yesterday in my triangle we had a "Strategic Planning Session" lead by Al Gore in the afternoon. I was unexpectedly asked to stay for it, which made me cranky as I already have to go in early on Mondays and this made my workday unexpectedly long*. I was not into strategic planning at BCFG, although I did participate in the "game" where we pretended to be companies competing against BCFG and had to give presentations pointing out BCFG's weaknesses**
During the strategic planning I got to thinking about how that kind of thing was something that I would have eaten up during my time at The Big P. I was always a nerd at company functions and very eager to participate and share and all that stuff. I had no desire to do so yesterday. I was wondering why that was. Was it simply a matter of growing up? (In school, especially high school, college and my time at The Big P I always wanted to be the enigmatic cool kid who is smart, but doesn't feel the need to constantly share, but I could never stop myself from talking.) I was also wondering if working for The Man beat me down so much that I don't value my own ideas any more. Or it may be a case of not really caring about the strategy of BCFG because I feel like all I will ever be is a little worker bee and that what I do, while essential, doesn't really matter. I don't have an answer, these were just the things that I was thinking about while everyone else was working on the equation to figure out how many prospects they needed to have each year if they were going to have X number of sales.
There is sad news tonight regarding my friend R's husband. The cancer that has spread to his stomach and liver is Stage 4, inoperable and terminal. They are going to start chemo on Monday to try and buy him some more time, but this is nasty stuff that is growing really fast--none of these tumors were even there about three months ago. R took the morning off today so that she and her husband could start "putting their affairs in order." I can't imagine saying those words now--R's husband is 33 (a year younger than I am).
I do believe that this is possible, so please join me in praying for a miracle.
*like that sentence just was--and I used "unexpected" twice, which I thing is wrong.
**Yes, Al Gore went all out for this thing. He also used one of those giant post-it pads that go on an easel and hung up the giant post its all around the work room. They were still there when I arrived today.
Yesterday in my triangle we had a "Strategic Planning Session" lead by Al Gore in the afternoon. I was unexpectedly asked to stay for it, which made me cranky as I already have to go in early on Mondays and this made my workday unexpectedly long*. I was not into strategic planning at BCFG, although I did participate in the "game" where we pretended to be companies competing against BCFG and had to give presentations pointing out BCFG's weaknesses**
During the strategic planning I got to thinking about how that kind of thing was something that I would have eaten up during my time at The Big P. I was always a nerd at company functions and very eager to participate and share and all that stuff. I had no desire to do so yesterday. I was wondering why that was. Was it simply a matter of growing up? (In school, especially high school, college and my time at The Big P I always wanted to be the enigmatic cool kid who is smart, but doesn't feel the need to constantly share, but I could never stop myself from talking.) I was also wondering if working for The Man beat me down so much that I don't value my own ideas any more. Or it may be a case of not really caring about the strategy of BCFG because I feel like all I will ever be is a little worker bee and that what I do, while essential, doesn't really matter. I don't have an answer, these were just the things that I was thinking about while everyone else was working on the equation to figure out how many prospects they needed to have each year if they were going to have X number of sales.
There is sad news tonight regarding my friend R's husband. The cancer that has spread to his stomach and liver is Stage 4, inoperable and terminal. They are going to start chemo on Monday to try and buy him some more time, but this is nasty stuff that is growing really fast--none of these tumors were even there about three months ago. R took the morning off today so that she and her husband could start "putting their affairs in order." I can't imagine saying those words now--R's husband is 33 (a year younger than I am).
I do believe that this is possible, so please join me in praying for a miracle.
*like that sentence just was--and I used "unexpected" twice, which I thing is wrong.
**Yes, Al Gore went all out for this thing. He also used one of those giant post-it pads that go on an easel and hung up the giant post its all around the work room. They were still there when I arrived today.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I can't think of a title
I've been sitting here for awhile trying to come up with a title and I can't, so you'll just have to deal with that.
R and her husband got some very bad news on Tuesday. Last week it was time for him to have the PET scans and other tests to see if the cancer had spread. They saw some spots on his liver and in his abdomen, so they did biopsies and on Tuesday they got they results. I'm sure you've guessed since I said that they got bad news, but the biopsies were positive and the cancer has spread to his liver and abdomen. There is also an additional spot in his upper chest that they found during the esophagus surgery. Originally they were going to do more chemo or radiation to get rid of the one little spot in September. The doctors were trying to give him as much time as possible to heal and get strong before all of the sickness that comes with the chemo and radiation. R has not confirmed this, but I'm guessing that now they need to start treatment right away to avoid any further spreading.
I had guessed that R had gotten bad news on Tuesday because she never made it into work. When she came to tell me on Wednesday, she ended up standing by my desk crying for over 20 minutes. During this time I was furiously telling myself "do not cry," as I really wanted to cry, but didn't think that would help. I remembered vividly the night my sister called me to tell me about my brother-in-law. That night I was on the phone in the garage, so the Husband and Sweet Pea wouldn't bother me, with an oven mitt stuffed in my mouth so my sister wouldn't hear me crying. I never know what to say in these kind of situations. I always feel like most of what I say is dorky or really insensitive. R only spent so much time at my desk because she was waiting for Mr. X to get off of a conference call. They have worked together for over 10 years and are very good friends. I also get the sense that Mr. X says the right thing at these times.
Next week I go back to my psychiatrist. I am going to ask to start decreasing the anti psychotic medication that I take. I am feeling well and I really don't want to be on that drug any more. It is the most expensive and also has the most side effects. I have tried to get off of it in the past, without success, but I think that's because I was trying to get off of it at the wrong time of the year. I seem to always have a problem in the spring. I started trying to come off the drug in February and had cut the dose in half when I hit a bump and had to go right back up again. I'm hoping for more success this time around. I'm thinking that maybe if my body is used to being off of it for a longer period of time that I'll be able to survive without it.
This will not win a prize as one of the most uplifting posts, but this is what's going on...
R and her husband got some very bad news on Tuesday. Last week it was time for him to have the PET scans and other tests to see if the cancer had spread. They saw some spots on his liver and in his abdomen, so they did biopsies and on Tuesday they got they results. I'm sure you've guessed since I said that they got bad news, but the biopsies were positive and the cancer has spread to his liver and abdomen. There is also an additional spot in his upper chest that they found during the esophagus surgery. Originally they were going to do more chemo or radiation to get rid of the one little spot in September. The doctors were trying to give him as much time as possible to heal and get strong before all of the sickness that comes with the chemo and radiation. R has not confirmed this, but I'm guessing that now they need to start treatment right away to avoid any further spreading.
I had guessed that R had gotten bad news on Tuesday because she never made it into work. When she came to tell me on Wednesday, she ended up standing by my desk crying for over 20 minutes. During this time I was furiously telling myself "do not cry," as I really wanted to cry, but didn't think that would help. I remembered vividly the night my sister called me to tell me about my brother-in-law. That night I was on the phone in the garage, so the Husband and Sweet Pea wouldn't bother me, with an oven mitt stuffed in my mouth so my sister wouldn't hear me crying. I never know what to say in these kind of situations. I always feel like most of what I say is dorky or really insensitive. R only spent so much time at my desk because she was waiting for Mr. X to get off of a conference call. They have worked together for over 10 years and are very good friends. I also get the sense that Mr. X says the right thing at these times.
Next week I go back to my psychiatrist. I am going to ask to start decreasing the anti psychotic medication that I take. I am feeling well and I really don't want to be on that drug any more. It is the most expensive and also has the most side effects. I have tried to get off of it in the past, without success, but I think that's because I was trying to get off of it at the wrong time of the year. I seem to always have a problem in the spring. I started trying to come off the drug in February and had cut the dose in half when I hit a bump and had to go right back up again. I'm hoping for more success this time around. I'm thinking that maybe if my body is used to being off of it for a longer period of time that I'll be able to survive without it.
This will not win a prize as one of the most uplifting posts, but this is what's going on...
Monday, August 1, 2011
Since I am not allowed to yell at work....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Stop adding more reviews to my calendar (especially after I told you that I'm full until August 25th). It is impossible to complete the number of reviews that are now scheduled. I foresee many early mornings, since I can't pick Sweet Pea up late.
Stop adding more reviews to my calendar (especially after I told you that I'm full until August 25th). It is impossible to complete the number of reviews that are now scheduled. I foresee many early mornings, since I can't pick Sweet Pea up late.
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