Just Breath

I am the last person who should make fun of people who can't spell. However I filed "Just Breath" away in my brain for a special time, after seeing it on Regretsy sometime last year. Sometimes you need to just breath...

Today was one of those days.

To give credit where it's due, one of my friends sent me a text reminding me to breathe* today, which reminded me of this picture. Thanks to Google**, I was able to find it quickly.

As you have probably gathered, today is hard. Having a child with ADD is hard. I have much greater empathy for my friends with special needs children. I truly don't know how they do it.

I am trying to not be "bad mommy" and to stop screaming*** in the morning. I'm also trying really hard to stop beating myself up about screaming in the morning. We had a bad weekend at our house. At one point I told The Husband that one of the great things about being bi-polar is that no one can ever make you feel worse than you already feel about yourself.

I'm having a hard time right now trying to decide if ADD is worse than ADD medication. The Vyvanse is controlling Sweet Pea's ADD symptoms and she has a much easier time concentrating. She is still an emotional roller coaster, though. Its weird, because she's different emotionally on the Vyvanse than she was on the Ritalin. The Ritalin was worse, but the melt downs seemed to be confined to the evening. Vyvanse is a longer-acting drug; she can now melt down at any time during the day. Her teacher thinks that she's doing better, but yesterday confessed that she's afraid to touch her and described her as very fragile.

In addition to the emotional stuff, Sweet Pea has kind of stopped eating. I've never really stressed about her diet--I'm a big proponent of kids eating when they are hungry and not making them finish a meal. On the flip side, I've also expected Sweet Pea to eat what The Husband and I eat as soon as she was able to eat it. Last night I was watching her take a bath and I really looked at her and she is so thin. She has always been thin, but right now it looks like she has grown taller (evident by the way her clothes fit), but not gained any weight. I don't think she's lost any weight, but she doesn't have any to lose. To make this harder, I am trying to lose weight. When I've dieted in the past, I've prepared healthier meals in the evening and The Husband just eats two (or three or four) servings. Now I'm thinking that I need to sneak in more calories for Sweet Pea and I hate the idea of cooking two dinners. Tonight I did solve the problem with my chicken enchiladas. The filling is the same for everyone, however I'm getting low carb, 60 calorie tortillas, while half the pan has the full fat kind. I'm also having light cheese and I smothered the other half with the full fat cheese. Hopefully with a little creativity I can come up with ideas like that for every meal. Food shouldn't be this hard, though.

I'm trying to be positive. I will hopefully hear about the job tomorrow. I am looking forward to the position--I think that I will get the chance to actually do something. It feels like these people need me. I never felt needed at BCFG.

I need to remember to just breath. You too--you just breath too.

*She would never spell it wrong

**Whenever I think of Google, I think of the boy I had a crush on for all of junior high and high school--he works there now. He was my junior high show choir dance partner. Alas, we never dated

****Unfortunately not exaggerating