Toast

I'm really stressed out. This might be news to you if you are living under a rock. Even The Husband (who is usually really obtuse) has picked up on my stress level.

Although I love Christmas, I (like many people), get so caught up in having the "perfect day" that I forget to enjoy myself. I'm trying really hard to give myself a break this year.

I haven't baked any cookies yet, and I'm thinking that I probably won't. This is okay because I bought Milk Chocolate Salted Carmel Butter Cookies from Trader Joe's.* I also bought a chocolate ganache present cake and a pumpkin tart (also from my friend Trader Joe). On Christmas Eve, I will not be cooking any part of the Feast of the Seven Fishes. (If you are unfamiliar with the Seven Fishes, you are lucky. It is a weird Italian Catholic thing and it involves having to cook or eat Baccala. Baccala is gross--that is all I will say about it. It can also involve eels.) Instead on Christmas Eve, we will be enjoying stuffed mushrooms and shrimp corndogs**, again, from my friend Trader Joe.

I had some moments today where I started to freak out about food, and Clay Aiken, and whether or not I was going to get Friday off of work, and the fact the Sweet Pea's Ritalin isn't doing anything and I feel horrible giving it to her every morning. In another very mature moment*** (when I was on the brink of tears at lunch) I thought about what I could control. The answer was food, and that's really it.

Although ultimately I decided that the therapist I was seeing a little over a year ago was doing me more harm than good, she did have her moments, and one of them was a time that I was crying about having a frozen lasagna in the house. (The Husband does not believe in frozen lasagna. He also doesn't believe in cooking himself--this makes life hard.) My therapist was able to get me to stop and actually listen to how insane I sounded. I was barely holding it together and I was worried that I hadn't made lasagna? I'm not that bad now, but I know that I have to give myself a break, so I'm going to do that. On Christmas Eve, I'm going to eat Trader Joe's Shrimp Corndogs**** and Salted Carmel Butter Cookies that I didn't make and I will be okay. In fact, it's going to be really tasty.

I'm sure that I'll write again before Christmas, but in case I don't...My wish for all of you is to give yourself a break and realize that we probably can't make the perfect holiday. Instead, we can relax with our families and love them the best that we can.

On Christmas Day I will hopefully feel up to stuffing some pork chops with the prosciutto and fontina cheese I bought today. If not, we'll all have toast, and that will be okay too.

*I have hidden the cookies from myself because I want to eat them NOW.

**I am extremely excited about the shrimp corndogs.

***I've been having those a lot lately. Weird.

****Yes, I will tell you what they tasted like.