Remember yesterday when I said that I wasn't really going to write about September 11th?
I lied.
Ever since I wrote that sentence I have been replaying the day over and over in my head and I'm hoping it will do some good to get it out. I don't have a unique perspective on things, this was just my day. I'm sure that this will be like Pearl Harbor or the day Kennedy got shot for our generation--you'll always know where you were and what you were doing and our children and grandchildren will ask us about it.
One of the things that is prompting me to write is that Sweet Pea asked me about it yesterday. In music class they were singing "America the Beautiful" and the music teacher took it upon herself to tell the class about the planes hitting the towers.* Then, The Husband left the TV on Fox News and when Sweet Pea happened to turn on the TV yesterday they were showing footage of that day, so there were lots of questions.
But, back to that Tuesday...
I'm sure that everyone will remember that it was a beautiful day--so pretty for September. I was driving to Cincinnati for some enrollment meetings and I remember feeling really happy. I had meetings in the morning, then plans to go for a nice lunch with one of my favorite advisors, then a trip to the mall (because I didn't have any client visits) and finally another client meeting. I was excited for lunch and the mall. It was also getting really close to my wedding, so I was doing what, I think, most girls do and daydreaming/obsessing about it all the time.
I used to drive a lot and I would go back and forth with what I would do while driving. There were times when I was really into NPR, sometimes I'd listen to books on CD and other times I'd listen to the pop music radio station. That day was one of those days that I was listening to the pop station and singing along. My appointment in Cincinnati was for 10:00, so I was shooting to get there around 9:30 or 9:45. I was around Wilmington (exit 50, for those who drive 71 frequently) when there started to be snatches of something on the radio that a plane had hit a building in New York. Since this was a pop station, they didn't really know how to do the news, so my first image was that it was a private plane and that it was an accident. I think that's what most of us thought. When I heard that a second plane had crashed I switched over to Morning Edition on NPR. It was really weird because it was like NPR didn't know what was going on, because they were continuing with their regularly scheduled programs. I figured that if it wasn't on NPR than it couldn't be that bad. I was looking for news and scanning the radio. The Husband (then The Fiance) was a TV news producer for the local ABC affiliate and I knew that ABC almost always broadcasts their stuff on the radio too, so I found that, but know one really knew what was going on. This was the total chaos between 9:00 and 9:30, if you remember. One detail that has always stuck with me is that the people on the upper floors were climbing up the stairs, hoping that helicopters would be able to rescue them off the roof, which is what happened the first time that Osama Bin Laden bombed the parking garage basement of the towers. I arrived at my appointment around 9:45 and the last thing that I had heard was that something had happened in Washington DC, but I didn't what--no one else that I met at that time seemed to have any more information that me.
My appointment that morning was with the Cincinnati Association for the Blind, which is a nonprofit organization that employes blind people to make stuff**. Many of the employees seemed to have some mental handicaps as well as being blind. I did two enrollment meetings, one at 10:00 and one at 11:00. I was finished with my meetings at about noon and had received no additional information. Jeff, the advisor that I was working with, and I had no idea how bad things were and we were deciding where we were going to go for lunch. As we were getting ready to go, we started talking about those planes and were wondering what had happened. I told Jeff that I would call The Husband, since he worked in news. I remember calling and asking about the people on the roofs--I was wondering if the helicopters had been able to rescue them yet. The Husband answered me with total disbelief and said something like "Don't you know it's over? The Towers have collapsed. No one got out."
To this day, I still wonder why no one told us what was going on that morning. Higher ups at the Cincinnati Association for the Blind were in and out of the meetings all morning and they HAD to know what was going on, yet chose not to tell. My best guess is that they thought their employees were going to freak out and didn't want to give them any upsetting information.
Even though I had talked to The Husband, I still really had no idea what was going on. Jeff and I gave up on our lunch plans and I got back into my car and continued listening to ABC on the radio. I will always associate Peter Jennings with that day and that's the day I fell a little bit in love with him. You have to realize that all this stuff has happened and I haven't seen ANY pictures. This is pre-WiFi and pre-CrackBerry and pre-everything. I didn't understand how bad it was. I decided to still go to the mall, because I had two shirts to exchange. When I got to the mall, it was closed. I'm ashamed to admit, but that was when it sunk in and I realized that this was REALLY BAD.
I called both my office and my parents to check in. Although I knew where everyone was located, it was still good to know that they were safe. At this point I wanted to go back home--I wanted to cancel my afternoon appointment. I called, but they still wanted to have it. Had I been older than 24, I would have insisted that we reschedule, but I didn't know what to do, so I stuck it out. Almost everything was closed--I finally found a Chipolte that was open and I had tacos for lunch. Looking back it seems like I shouldn't have been able to eat, but I did. I ate my Chipolte in the car (very messy and not something I recommend) because I wanted to keep listening to Peter Jennings. After that I found a bookstore that was also open and was playing ABC radio over their sound system. There were a few other business-type people in there killing time, like me.
My afternoon appointment was with a furniture store and they were a little client that wanted to talk about making some plan changes. It was such a useless appointment and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Throughout the rest of my time at The Big P, I remained extremely resentful of them for making me keep that appointment. I used to take an extra long time to answer their questions because they had made me so angry.
Once my work day was finally over I had my two hour drive home. The sky was still that brilliant blue and cloudless. I continued to listen to Peter Jennings and all the crazy speculation that was going on. I was scared and felt so alone. One of the things that they were starting to report was that people had jumped from 100+ stories up. They news was reporting how people would hold hands and then jump. I couldn't imagine conditions were jumping seemed like your best option. I guess it would be faster than fire, though. You don't realize how many airplanes fly until one day when there are none. I had the unique experience of seeing Air Force One*** streak across the sky, accompanied by a squadron of fighter jets. They flew so fast that it hurt my ears. Somewhere on that very long drive home I made the decision not to turn on the TV that night. I decided that I wanted to go to sleep without seeing what I guessed were horrible images.
On the way home I stopped at the grocery store because I had no food in my apartment. The grocery store had been ransacked, sort of like what people do before a snow storm, but so much more. I remember that my Kroger was totally out of both bread and peanut butter. I exchanged some small talk with the clerk, who couldn't believe that I hadn't seen any pictures and that I wasn't going to turn on the TV as soon as I got home. I don't really remember what I did when I got home that night.
Wednesday was still a scary day. The Husband was basically living at the TV station, since there was no regular programing. I brought food to him and his co-workers a few times that day. Towards the end of the day I got an email from my advisor at Drake, informing me that two of my friends, employees of Cantor Fitzgerald, were dead.
My friends were twin brothers who did everything together. I don't think that they would have ever taken a job if they couldn't have worked together. It would have been weird, if they weren't so nice. For those that may not remember, Cantor Fitzgerald was the largest bond brokerage firm in the US and they occupied floors 101-105 in the North Tower. All 658 employees who were in the office that morning died. My biggest comfort has always been that they never saw it coming and didn't have time for any fear or pain. One moment they were alive and the next they were home in heaven.
I have never really felt anger about the attacks, just sadness. When the war in Afghanistan started I just thought how much I missed my friends. I still get very angry when people invoke those who died that day in the name of some government thing. Their memories should be consecrated, not used as some kind of a political football.
So, that's my story. Nothing unique, just my day... You can tell me about yours if it will help you.
There are so many different kinds of memorials and TV specials and articles this weekend. I have no idea if I'll watch anything. I will probably reflect in my own way. One thing I want to share is the homily from the funeral mass for Father Mychal Judge. He was the Chaplin for the New York City Fire Department and the first body removed from the towers. It was replayed this morning on NPR. I wish that I was this eloquent: "He passed through the other side of life, and now he can continue doing what he wanted to do with all his heart. And the next few weeks, we’re going to have names added, name after name of people, who are being brought out of that rubble. And Mychal Judge is going to be on the other side of death … to greet them instead of sending them there. And he’s going to greet them with that big Irish smile … he’s going to take them by the arm and the hand and say, “Welcome, I want to take you to my Father.” … And so, he can continue doing in death what he couldn’t do in life...may the Lord bless you. May the angels lead you to your Savior. You are a sign of his presence to us. May the Lord now embrace you. And hold you in his love forever. Rest in peace. Amen."
You can read the full homily here: http://www.hnp.org/publications/articles_view.cfm?id=16&yr=2001
That's it for sad--I'll go back to being snarky and telling you about how I ended up in my triangle next time. I just needed to get this out.
*I'm actually really angry at the music teacher and thinking about saying something to the Principal about it because I think it was a really inappropriate thing to tell second graders, especially without their parents permission. I would have preferred that Sweet Pea live in a world where airplanes are not weapons for at least another year.
**I'm sure if you Googled them you could get a much better idea of their mission.
***I was able to confirm for sure that it was Air Force One a few years later when they released the whole flight plan of that day.
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