I can't think of a title

I've been sitting here for awhile trying to come up with a title and I can't, so you'll just have to deal with that.

R and her husband got some very bad news on Tuesday. Last week it was time for him to have the PET scans and other tests to see if the cancer had spread. They saw some spots on his liver and in his abdomen, so they did biopsies and on Tuesday they got they results. I'm sure you've guessed since I said that they got bad news, but the biopsies were positive and the cancer has spread to his liver and abdomen. There is also an additional spot in his upper chest that they found during the esophagus surgery. Originally they were going to do more chemo or radiation to get rid of the one little spot in September. The doctors were trying to give him as much time as possible to heal and get strong before all of the sickness that comes with the chemo and radiation. R has not confirmed this, but I'm guessing that now they need to start treatment right away to avoid any further spreading.

I had guessed that R had gotten bad news on Tuesday because she never made it into work. When she came to tell me on Wednesday, she ended up standing by my desk crying for over 20 minutes. During this time I was furiously telling myself "do not cry," as I really wanted to cry, but didn't think that would help. I remembered vividly the night my sister called me to tell me about my brother-in-law. That night I was on the phone in the garage, so the Husband and Sweet Pea wouldn't bother me, with an oven mitt stuffed in my mouth so my sister wouldn't hear me crying. I never know what to say in these kind of situations. I always feel like most of what I say is dorky or really insensitive. R only spent so much time at my desk because she was waiting for Mr. X to get off of a conference call. They have worked together for over 10 years and are very good friends. I also get the sense that Mr. X says the right thing at these times.


Next week I go back to my psychiatrist. I am going to ask to start decreasing the anti psychotic medication that I take. I am feeling well and I really don't want to be on that drug any more. It is the most expensive and also has the most side effects. I have tried to get off of it in the past, without success, but I think that's because I was trying to get off of it at the wrong time of the year. I seem to always have a problem in the spring. I started trying to come off the drug in February and had cut the dose in half when I hit a bump and had to go right back up again. I'm hoping for more success this time around. I'm thinking that maybe if my body is used to being off of it for a longer period of time that I'll be able to survive without it.

This will not win a prize as one of the most uplifting posts, but this is what's going on...