And back to school...
So, the grand experiment that was this round of trying to lower my medication dosage is over for this time around. I went to the doctor today, told him how I've been feeling and he called it off. I'm disappointed. I really want to be off this drug some day. It has really nasty side effects, which don't seem to get better over time. I also have to get my liver checked monthly to see what's going on with it. No drinking for me, since I'm already destroying my organs. I'll go back up on my dosage, wait until I'm feeling good again for at least 6 months and then try again. As much as I hate this drug, I do feel like this is the one that saved my life, since this is the one that I went on when I was in the hospital. Despite feeling disappointed, I am looking forward to feeling better. I've been having some big time anxiety lately, so the doctor prescribed some Ativan*. It will take a few weeks for the other drug to build back up in my blood stream again, but the doctor thinks that if I can take some Ativan and break the cycle of anxiety that I'll start feeling better soon.
When I told him about feeling anxious he asked me if I was in therapy right now and in my head I was pleading "please, please don't make me go back to that woman!" My former therapist actually called me, out of the blue, a few weeks ago. It really made me mad. She dredged up all these old feelings and I was really angry at her for a few days for making me think about that stuff again. She said that she liked to call her former clients and just check on them and she sounded all concerned. To me it just felt like she was trying to drum up more business for herself.
In other news, Wednesday was the first day of school for Sweet Pea. So far, so good, and second grade is lots of fun. In second grade you get to PICK where you sit at the lunch table, so that's pretty exciting stuff. I'm embarrassed to admit this (and trying not to beat myself up about this), but I sent her off to school on the first day** with a breakfast of Toaster Strudel and Resee's cereal. Although my eating habits have become horrible, I try to keep things healthy for Sweet Pea. She has been begging for Toaster Strudel for months, so I finally bought a box (although I will not be purchasing it again) and then we were at the store and the cereal was on sale and I am a push-over.
I feel better having admitted my Mommy breakfast failure to you all.
*It is probably bad how much I am looking forward to the Ativan. It's an anti-anxiety medicine and it makes everything go away.
**and today
I wouldn't worry too much about what she eats - she's skinny as a rail and has pretty good habits. Junk food every now and then (especially in the morning and not late at night) isn't terrible (says pot talking to kettle - I freak out when daycare gives Katie chocolate milk...but I thought I'd give the advice that I know I should take).
ReplyDeleteI know you hate the meds, but if it helps, then you need them. I'm sure that someday you will get off them, but right now just isn't that time.