I think I've written about this before (I don't feel like re-reading all my posts right now), but we are having Sweet Pea evaluated for dyslexia and ADD and maybe something else, because something just doesn't feel right.
Her initial appointment with the pediatrician is next week. We have some paperwork to complete for that appointment which includes a checklist of behaviors. The doctor asked that the teacher complete that checklist and that she also write a short letter describing what she sees in the classroom. We got that paperwork back today and from Sweet Pea's teacher's assessment things are much worse than I thought.
Things have been hard at home lately--Sweet Pea's moods have become increasingly mercurial. That scares me to death, because I automatically think of my bipolar disorder and the rapid cycling that I go through sometimes. I'm able to keep it under control (to some extent, although I am really moody) when I do that, but I'm 33 and not 6. I know that I bipolar diagnosis is extremely rare at this age, but I still worry. I also just worry about school being hard for her. I remember when I was pregnant, after wishing for a healthy baby, I wished to have one for whom school wasn't hard. Sweet Pea is very smart, but right now her smart isn't going very well with school.
One of the things that scares me the most is how much Sweet Pea reminds me of myself. She is playing with her Barbies right now and it is exactly how I remember playing. I can also remember feeling periods of overwhelming sadness starting around age 6 or 7 . I've been hopeful that Sweet Pea will be spared of everything because the Husband and I aren't my parents (or at least I try so hard not to be them). I guess the only positive of being sick myself (and this is one of the days when I feel "sick" with bipolar disorder) is that I know what to look for.
I know that I'm not supposed to think of anything being "wrong" with her--she is "different" or "special" or some other word like that. We have a friend who has a son that is autistic and I don't think that there is anything wrong with him. Sweet Pea also has a girl in her class with Down's Syndrome and that girl is one of the sweetest things ever--I adore her. How is it that it's so easy for me to accept these children, yet I think that there's something wrong with my own?
Rational, unemotional, non-bi-polar-feeling me, knows that we're going to the doctor for a reason. We'll get a referral to a neuropsychologist or neruopsychiatrist and that doctor will figure everything out and then we'll put together a plan. It's also first grade and teachers push for early intervention for a reason. Irrational, bi-polar-feeling me is having a much harder time thinking about how we will have success next year with an Individual Education Plan.
Party planning was more fun than thinking about this. I'm going to stop writing about this now before I talk myself into a situation that is worse than it is. This is actually one of the times when I do miss being in therapy and having a person to tell me to stop talking because I am crazy.
I think this is kind of funny, in an ironic sort of way. While I was a Kinkos this morning I had lots of time to wonder through the store and I found a post-it with this on it...
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
-Robert Frost
It is interesting what you say about Sweet Pea's mercurial moods. Ben has had these for a while now and I keep thinking bi-polar (which we think my grandma has?). I wonder if it's a more common thing than we realise, at least to some extent. I have considered taking him to a counsellor, but other than the exteremes he seems okay. I think he has lower self-esteem than he should and he is very self-punishing when he's in trouble and I don't think this is normal (ie. we issue a punishment and he automatically escalates it several times saying he "deserves it"). Also sometimes he's stupidly happy and oblivious (which is obviously kind of just a kid thing, so that one might not be anything at all).
ReplyDeleteI have been really busy lately so I haven't caught up in a week but was very pleased for the heartbeat <3 (had been suspecting/hoping/wondering but not said anything) and hope that R's husband recovers well.
As a side about another post earlier on, I would like those thing for my gutters that keep the leaves out. I did not know they existed. :)