Potato/Potato

Have you ever had the taste of a food evoke a memory? I made Fingerling potatoes* tonight, which have a special meaning for me. It's kind of funny that I feel such an affinity for a potato.

I started taking anti-depressants for the first time in the middle of December, three years ago. After I had been on them for about a week we went to The Husband's work Christmas party. At the time he was working for very old money and they had a beautiful house, which everyone was invited to for a Christmas dinner. They served roasted Fingerling potatoes and it was the first time I had ever had them. Because I had been feeling really depressed I hadn't really been eating a lot and all food basically tasted like cardboard. I was so nervous going to the dinner because I was sure that everyone would know that something was wrong with me. My face felt wrong from the inside. Anyone whose ever dealt with depression will probably know what that means. I sat down and ate my potatoes and was amazed because I could taste them. I had the most amazing sensation that night that I was going to get better. All because of the potatoes.

I would like to say that I bought the Fingerling potatoes with the express purpose of making myself well, but I didn't. We've been eating a lot of potatoes in our house lately. Poor potatoes get a bad rap from all the low-carb diets, but they pack a lot of nutrition. Feeding a child with ADD is kind of bizarre-o world. You try and get in the biggest bang for your buck, knowing that they probably won't eat a lot. Potatoes are a winner in our house, so I bought the Fingerling potatoes because they are one of Sweet Pea's favorites.

I ate them for dinner and was transported to that night when I knew that I was going to be okay. I'm not okay right now, but I know that I will be again. These potatoes taste like hope.

*These are Fingerling potatoes, if you aren't familiar with them. They are long and thin, like fingers, and have a similar taste and texture to a Yukon Gold potato.







And now for something completely different--I am totally obsessed with the PBS show "Downton Abbey." Netflix said that I would like it and they were right**. I've watched all of the first season and the first four episodes of this season in two days. (I stayed up really late.) This show is so well done it's like reading a book. I feel like I know these people. I'm sad that I'm caught up now and have to wait for new shows like a regular person. If you have Netflix you MUST watch Season One. Then go here and start watching Season Two.

(The last time I was unemployed, I became obsessed with MTV's "Teen Mom." This is a vast improvement.***)

**Netflix knows me WAY better than Pandora.

***Just so you know I haven't gone totally smart, I'm also kind of obsessed with the train wreck that is "DanceMoms.")

I know that this is true. I just hope I wake up soon.

It Went

I am back from my interview and, basically, it went... I think that after every other interview that I've had in my life I've felt really good about it; this one not so much. The guy I was interviewing with was very aggressive, not mean, just aggressive. He kept harping on how my most recent job was basically backsliding from my previous two jobs. I was honest and didn't try to talk the job into something that it wasn't. What I did say was that it was only 9 months out of a 13 year work history. I also said that, although it wasn't an ideal position, the job market being what it was, I was glad to have found a job in my field at all.

I think that most people who have done this, but pre-interview I had imagined my whole life working for this guy. I had come around to the idea of working full time. I would rather be working than here at home. I'm disappointed, because even if the interview went better than I think that it did, the guy isn't moving very quickly. He said that he's looking to fill the position in the first half of the year. I really can't wait that long.

I'm going to lay on the couch and watch the Food Network now.

UPDATE:

I decided to look on Craigslist to see if there were any jobs for today. BCFG has a job posted (it names the company, so I know that it's them). It looks like K was promoted to R's job and now they are looking to fill K's position. This really feels like kicking a person when they are down.

What I am supposed to be doing VS. What I am actually doing

Tomorrow is my interview with the one of the people to whom I randomly sent a resume. Right now I am supposed to be reading everything on his website so that when he asks my opinion on the capital markets I can answer his question by actually giving his opinion on the capital markets. I don't really have an opinion, other then "they kind of suck right now." Or a slightly more intelligent comment: "Last year the markets were flat...again." Instead of that I am writing to you, while baking my Chinese Five Spice Chicken (which smells really good--thank you for asking). Prior to my interview, I will learn everything that I can about this guy's opinion on QDIAs and 408-b2* so I sound smart, it's just hard to sit down and do it right now.

I am nervous about my interview. I'm not nervous about answering the questions--I am comfortable with that. Al Gore asked really tough questions a year ago, and I've never really been shy when it comes to interviewing. I am nervous about not fitting in. I never really felt like I fit in at BCFG. I think it was easier for them to let me go because of that. I am also nervous that this guy doesn't really have anything for me. He's just curious to see who BCFG (a big competitor of his) just got rid of. I am nervous about not looking right.

Speaking of not looking right...I cut my own bangs this morning (with a successful outcome). As I was cutting my bangs, I was thinking "what normal person cuts their own hair the day before an interview when there is a We Heart Hair around the corner that will trim bangs for $5?" Along the same lines, I have sent The Husband to the store on his way home from work to pick up knee highs (because who wants to wear pantyhose under their pants).** Being unemployed means that I have lots of time to go do things like get my bangs trimmed or buy knee highs. The reason that I didn't do these two errands today is that I'm sad and I'm anxious and I just want to curl up inside myself, kind of like a roly poly bug. It is hard to act like someone who isn't depressed. I do it though, because sometimes acting like you feel okay means that, for awhile, you actually do feel okay. Tomorrow I will be fine--I know I seem "normal" to most people. I can psych myself up for the interview. I couldn't, however, psych myself today to go buy socks or get my hair cut. It's weird, I know. Thankfully, I have been successfully cutting my own bangs since college, so there was no harm done.*** Maybe I should have listed that as a skill on my resume. I cut The Husband's hair with success a few weeks ago and I trim Sweet Pea's bangs as well. If this guy hires me I could offer hair cuts to my new co-workers.

So now I'm going back to reading about my potential new employer, who has the same name as a podiatrist in Florida. I Googled him, but he is a pretty boring Google (like me).

Wish me luck!

*Yes, they are as exciting as they sound, however in my working world they are the biggest thing to come around in a long time.

**One very nice thing about The Husband is that he will go to the store for things like knee highs and tampons. I did describe exactly what I wanted and I told him that if the knee highs were too confusing he should find a woman in the store and ask her for help. The Husband is anti-cell phone, which is why he couldn't just call me.

***If your wondering, I recommend investing in a pair of actual hair cutting scissors. But then you have to leave your house to go to the Sally Beauty Supply. Thankfully, I already had mine.

UPDATE:
The Husband successfully completed his knee high purchase. He did have to ask the old lady working in cosmetics at the Walgreen's, but he did it, so I feel like I have to give him credit for that. I am feeling extremely nervous and panicky, so I've decided that it's late enough to go to bed and enjoy better living through pharmacology and take some Ativan.

The Old Days

Remember the olden days when you mailed out your resume and then waited patiently to see if anyone would call you? When I was a senior in college I was desperate to have a job by the time I graduated* and I remember sending out over 50 resumes in one week to companies I thought that I might like to work for. Now we email and with a few keystrokes things are on their way and then you can obsessively check your email every 30 seconds to see if someone wants you.

My self-esteem has become directly tied to my job search. Today after trolling Craigslist and deciding that there wasn't anything good and new I started sending out blind resumes from THE BOOK OF LISTS** and someone bit. I have an interview on Friday for a job that sounds good. I have sent out so many resumes that I have forgotten who has received them. Hopefully I didn't sound like an idiot when this guy called me today and said that he'd just received my resume--I guess I didn't since he wants to meet me. I haven't said anything about working part time. My strategy is to make them fall in love with me and realize that they can't live without me before I mention the fact that I'd prefer to work a four day week. Don't tell The Husband, but I'm kind of coming around to working full time. I'm at least considering it. I've decided that I like money and would like to have more of it, not less. I don't like the idea of selling myself short.

I still hate looking for a job. Please feel free to raise your hand if you are sick of hearing me say that. I plug away at it though, and hopefully will have good news soon.

*A goal I just barely met--I got the call from The Big P on a Friday morning and graduation was the next day.

**I may have to take a picture of THE BOOK OF LISTS because in addition to its name, which I quiet enjoy saying, the thing is enormous and extremely cumbersome to deal with. Its awkwardness kind of reminds me of Moses coming down the mountain with the Ten Commandments--useful, but not very portable.

Boss Charming

While looking for a job today, I was searching postings on Craigslist (which kind of creeps me out, since several people in my city have been killed by responding to stuff they saw on Craigslist--I removed all contact info from my resume, save my cell phone number and email address) and I came across this posting...

Office Assistant

(City that I am not going to name) financial planning practice seeking a part-time administrator to support the new business and review processes, provide client service and scheduling, generate mailings, presentations and other projects as assigned. General office duties include phone support, mail, supplies, and office equipment maintenance.

The chosen candidate will possess:
Strong computer proficiency including MS Word, Excel and Outlook.
Excellent multi-tasking and organization skills
Attention to detail
Professional demeanor
Excellent communication skills

Um, hi--that sounds a lot like my job, right down to being located in the same suburb. I actually had qualms about applying for it thinking that it might be my job. Would they do that to me? Would they really let me go saying they couldn't afford Clay Aiken and me part time and then turn around and hire a part time person? Honestly, I think that they could. I talked myself off a ledge and applied for the position anyway, since it is perfect for me. It was posted on January 10, so hopefully I am not applying too late. To show how un-hip I am, I didn't know that you could apply for real jobs on Craigslist. Apparently, that's what the kids are doing these days. Now that I've applied for some more things, I'm checking my email about every 30 seconds to see if someone wants me.

There is nothing worse than looking for a job. I'm thinking that it should be incorporated somehow into* a person's prison sentence or other forms of punishment.

Anyway...this post is actually about The Man. Since I started writing after I got my job at BCFG you haven't really heard a lot about The Man, whom I worked for a The Place with Three Letters. The Man is truly charming. There are very few men whom I would describe with that word. I think The Man is the only one that I've ever met. The Man will always open your car door for you, pull out your chair, and carry out other social graces that are mostly dead. Unfortunately working for The Man was also like working for Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. You never knew who was going to show up that day. Dr. Jekyll was the most warm and complimentary person tho work for--he was a joy. Mr. Hyde was horrible and just mean--pointing out everything bad that you ever thought about yourself. Working for The Man was constant walking on eggshells.

Why didn't I look for something else? My industry collapsed with the market in 2008 and still hasn't recovered. I was well paid and I got to work from home. I had total flexibility with my schedule. Most days I was 111 miles away from The Man. You can put up with a lot from that distance. The flip side of all my freedom was that I was expected to get stuff done whenever The Man wanted it, which meant dropping everything to finish stuff on the weekends or my so called "days off."

I haven't spoken to The Man in months. However, due to the interview that I was supposed to have today, I needed to gather references. I wanted to use Mr. X and The Man, since they were the most recent people that I supported. I sent The Man a text, which he didn't immediately respond to, so I ended up using Mr. X and Mole as my references. The Man did respond, at 4:13 on Saturday morning--my phone dinging woke me up. The Man has insomnia even worse than mine, so it was very common for me to get texts from him in the middle of the night. (I never responded until normal hours--texting in the middle of the night seemed too intimate and kind of inappropriate.) Thankfully, Dr. Jekyll was the one who got my text, and The Man had many nice things to say and he will be a good reference. I think it's been long enough since I've worked for him that he misses me and has forgotten any mistakes that I made. I don't really miss The Man. It's pretty hard to miss someone who treated you that badly, no matter how many times they pulled out your chair or got you a drink.

This post has turned out to be more depressing than I meant it to be...my doctor did adjust my medication and I'm waiting to see what, if anything, it will do. Until then I just hang in there.

I'm going to go back to trolling Craigslist now--I sound creepy. I like it.

*I'm listening to Pandora while I write, and Pandora just thought that I would enjoy Celine Dion and Reba McEntire. Sometimes I feel like Pandora doesn't know me at all--thumbs down. Now I have Florence and the Machine and am much happier.

Texas, don't make me treat you like Clay Aiken.

I'm beginning to really dislike the state of Texas.

First, Texas is part of the reason that everything is on hold with the job with The Woman with the Unfortunate Last Name. She has been in Texas all this week because of a conference.

Second, the person whom I was planning to interview with on Monday is going to Texas because of a death in the family and she will be there over a week. I know that deaths in the family are very bad and I'm probably going to hell for thinking that my job search is more important. Still, it is really hard when things keep getting pushed back. When you are looking for a job, it is the most important thing in the world to you, but it's never that important to the person hiring.

I did find out from Unemployment that I have given them sufficient documentation to prove my existence, so that's good. Unfortunately, I also learned that I'd filed my claims for the last two weeks incorrectly, so that's bad. I fixed the claims today and I know how to do it now. Seriously, though--I'm a smart person* and I'm having a lot of trouble navigating my way through all of this. What's happening to all the dumb people?

*In spite of everything, I still have a really high opinion of myself.